My Favourite testimony so far.

I was raised Catholic and one thing that I got from that, was a love and admiration for Jesus. He was my best friend ever since I was about 7 and I had a deep adoration of Him and growing up, I was a huge fan of His. I grew up with nuns around me right through school and college and I was an absolute 'goody goody' girl. For anyone who understands religion, you know what kind of a trap that can be. Being good and doing the right thing was this huge burden I carried. I was very aware of my love for Jesus but had no clue really of His love for me, of the freedom that it brings and had no active two way relationship either. About two years ago however, I was watching a Christian television show and I felt like the guy talking had something more in His relationship with God than I did, He was saying stuff like God spoke to him and I was like, "c'mon that's weird, God doesn't talk to us... or does he?" Anyway, I don't know why I did it, but at the end of the program I prayed the sinners prayer and did not think I had done anything spectacular or different, but I felt nice.
Soon after however I had an argument with my husband Ed (one of our typical cat and dog fights - if any of you feel bad that you and your spouse fight, take it from me, you can't beat how terribly good we were at it : ) ), I was sitting around and moping and feeling sorry for myself and I asked the question in my heart, 'why can't I experience a love that goes without for me? (typical!!! - too many fairy tales : ) ) So there I was feeling all hurt and upset, because Ed would not come into the room, go down on his knees and apologise, : ) And I heard Jesus so clearly, I will never forget it, He said, "Cheryl you want to know of a love that went without so you can have, I love you so much, I gave my life for you". I was stunned, (it's amazing how you can grow up knowing this, and yet not know it at all) In that instant, I experienced a love like none I had ever experienced. It was supernatural and it drove out all my insecurities, doubts and fears and at the same time brought me into an awareness of the fact that, I did not deserve it. Yet I knew that I had this love and He poured it out so freely. I was so loved and so overwhelmed and it rocked my world. ALSO, I knew that Ed was actually this wonderful guy who loved me very much. Amazing, how that happened. : )

Then the changes in the natural began to manifest and they went at roller coaster speed. It's like God did not waste any time at all. What an awesome God He is. I was still working as a flight attendant with Cathay Pacific Airways but a question I had suppressed for about 2-3 years would not stop coming into my mind. 'Why am I doing what I do for a living?' and I answered "because God asked me to" and He said, "really? did I?" and that's when I realized I had not really asked God at all, and so I did and God said, 'Do you feel like this is where you are meant to be?' and I said, ‘no’ and He said, 'so quit' and I said, 'NO' and He said, 'Okay...' and He slowly revealed to me the real reason I would not quit. It was because I did not believe that if I did what He was asking me to (follow the desires of my heart and join my husband full time in the magazine ministry he was just launching, and be a full time mum to my daughter Tiara) that God would take care of me. Of course I argued that this was not the case, that it would be irresponsible to quit my job and things like that and I came up with some very good, seemingly biblically backed arguments as well (my religious upbringing helped greatly in this regard), but in the end God showed me that I had a fear that our needs would not be met, if I did not depend on myself and my job and I was hiding it very cleverly. The bible verses, " look at the lillies in the field... and seek first the kingdom of God and messages like that kept coming up so much, it was almost funny. I faced the reality that my dependence upon my secular work was a trap of fear that I disguised as responsibility. He showed me that my work should not be my source, that He is and when we do what He created us to do, we are rewarded by Him whether that is through a secular job, a business or in active ministry, our supply comes from Him alone. There is a difference between working at a secular job and claiming God is our source and working at a secular job and actually having God as our source. It's a fine line actually, and it was an issue I avoided confronting until God helped me to. But I had to choose to believe this and to me this step was like jumping off the cliff, but my love for Him was so strong and the realization of His love for me too real to worry about this like I used to, and it remains the same to this day.

By this time ( it had been about two months into this conversation - I was taking my time and God was being very gracious ) Ed had already left secular work to begin the ground work on the publishing ministry. A call that began over 6 years ago for him with one failed, part time, half hearted, faithless attempt in his bag already. We realized that this task could not be done unless we both worked at it full time. So our dependence on secular work had to be crucified. As we began to pray and seek God in this call He gave us more visions and dreams and revealed to us His desire to unite the body here and bring the young generation to Him through media. Praise God I am so amazed at what He has done with us.
It's a journey where we stumble and fall and then rise in victory on a daily basis almost and life for me is unlike it has ever been before. I have faced and overcome challenges I had no idea I could overcome and even during the toughest parts of this journey I can tell you with all honesty, I will not change a single thing. I only want more of this life in God. Every struggle I have with my flesh has led to tremendous growth in my spirit and deep down I know I have found the path to the life we as human beings crave. I am headed towards victory in Christ and it's awesome. Jesus Christ you totally rule.